ONLINE DATING FOR PEOPLE W/ DISABILITIES PT. 1 [CC] || Sitting Pretty

What is up everybody? Welcome back to "Sitting Pretty" It's your girl Lolo and if this is your first time on my channel, thank you! Make sure you subscribe and then make sure you hit that little grey bell button so you can get a notification any and every time I post a new episode

Now I know you guys haven't all seen me in a while It's because I have been incredibly busy and have not had the time to sit down and record And usually when I get really busy like this it's because it's just that time of [the] year

Spring is upon us! The weather is great The sun is out And that means

[drumroll sound effect] Dating season is upon us! I thought it would be really dope for me to finally do an episode on some advice and tips for online dating as a person with a disability Yes! Finally I have done it! I feel like I have used enough of these apps and enough of these websites and memberships in order to know what worked for me and what ~didn't~ work for me I have broken down all of this information into -six- parts

1: Your profile image / images 2: What the f**k to say in your bio 3: What the f**k to say when somebody sends you a message or you wanna send a message first 4: How to be safe on the app 5: When to take breaks

Because online dating can become overwhelming And, overall

Just: How to have fun it Alright? Get your pen and pad out! Get your phone out! Take down some notes Think about some things

And Yeah Let's just get started! So let's just set up a scenario

You're a person with a disability and you feel online dating is the only way you're gonna be able to meet someone and date and have intimate experiences and meet people on a 1-on-1 level, right? Right But you get one of those apps, you link it to your Facebook because now they want you to verify your authenticity so nobody gets catfished out here And you're like: What pictures do I put on my profile? Well I have some tips for that

What I would definitely say first is that what you wanna do is focus on your main profile image This is the image that people are going to see *first* before they see *any* of your other images /and/ most likely before they read anything that's in your bio So this image has to be ~poppin'-ton~ For me whenever I chose a picture I wanted it to reflect my personality, and it showed my disability Now, I will show you Bam! This is the profile image I chose on one of the dating apps that I was on So, you see that I'm smiling, the picture is a *candid* photo which is -definitely- something that is very important You don't want to use like a headshot or a professional photo because it takes the realness out of who you are (In *my* personal opinion) And of course I got my makeup done! I'm wearing a sexy outfit because for me it's important to show that you can be sexy -and- have a disability But it's not too much to where it's like: "Ooh, she's with the business" Quickly *And* I am sitting in my wheelchair Now this is why I felt like this was a good profile image and because of this image I did get a lot more matches that I had seen, you know, before from using other images

And then when it comes to all of the other images on your profile, you just want them to reflect *you* It's always good to maybe have a picture with some friends Like, it shows that you're an active person, you do things, you have friends, there's people– *other* people in your life that love you I definitely wanted to show more pictures of me *in* my chair so that way if my profile image didn't show it, all of these other images would And of course just great fuckin' selfies! You wanna show off how beautiful you are! You wanna show off that you're confident You wanna show off that you are sexy, too! Now I do think that it's important [that] if you have a visible disability, I would recommend using some pictures that show what your disability is Only because it'll eliminate the awkwardness and in a weird kind of way it gives you that extra boost of confidence that's like "Look, I'm out here! This is my disability So, what?" Literally Who cares? So, what? 'Chu not gone match me with? Okay

I'm not even I don't even know who you are for you to have even quote unquote rejected me so what difference would it make? So I do believe that if you have a visible disability that it's cool to just Show it off! And if you have a non-visible disability I would recommend just coming out "Hey, by the way, I have a disability that you can't see!" But when you reach a certain level of comfort and understanding and you feel like this person is mature enough to maybe *handle* the news, then I would definitely say *that* is the time to share that you have a disability although it's not visible So the next is

What the fuck do you say in your bio? For me, I wanted to go the funny route I'm a silly person so being funny and being silly and being witty is all a part of my personality so I would definitely say with creating a bio [that] you want to show off your personality You don't wanna state a bunch of facts "I like," "I like to eat," "I like to go to the movies," "I like to" NOBODY wants to see that! You want to be able to create a profile that can start a conversation That tells a little bit about who you are without running down this entire list of everything you like and don't likeAbout yourself or what you're looking for in a partner

Those profiles are mad boring and annoying This was the bio on the same dating app that I hated because Again, if somebody wasn't able to tell in my photos that I had a disability, *wham-bam*, it was right there First sentence *in* my bio

But I made it funny so that way it was an approachable topic If someone matched with me and continued to have a curiosity about it and wanted to ask questions about my disability It's all about comfort

(In my personal opin– opinion) It's all about coming off as a comfortable person, comfortable in who you are, and you wanting the person who will be matching with you to feel comfortable talking to you And you wanna make sure that the bio does mention what you are looking for on the app But in a way that's not too serious Like

When you start going off on "I'm on here to find the love of my life, I don't have time for these games people play so either you gone like me or you not" That's not a good look 👀 But if you wanted to say, you know, "I'm on here because I'm interested in finding a partner that I can really get along with and build something great" That is something that is more approachable

That can start a conversationAnd [it] shows that "Hey, she ain't on here playin' any games but she's not so uptight about it that I can't just have a conversation with her

" See what I'm saying? Now that you've created your bio, and you've added pictures on your profile, and you've been swiping left and right, and coming up with some matches, it's time to start the conversation Now, there's 2 areas of this There is: You wanting to send the first message And then there's the area of: You receive the message and what– what or how do you respond? The number one thing that I've learned, and this is back when I used to be a journalism major, is that you never want to ask a yes or no question You always want to ask a question that is open-ended

So, for example Sombodymatched with you and they say "Hey, how are you doing?" you don't wanna just say "I'm good, and you?" You wanna, you know, give it a little more! "I'm good because I finally had the time to sit down and and watch my favorite show on Netflix!" That kind of gives it a topic for them to come back and say "Oh, well, what is your favorite show?" Then you say "Oh, well, my favorite show is such-and-such, what kind of shows do you like watching on Netflix?" So, you see what I'm saying? The conversation is already started before you even know it! So, it's always about bringing up topics or making statements or asking questions that are open-ended

But if you are matched with somebody and notice that they haven't sent you a message and you're kind of wanting to send that first message I always recommend that whatever the message is, it addresses whatever was in that person's bio, or in their pictures So, for example

If there was a really nice sweater that you liked from the person that you matched with– that they had on– you would want to send a message like "Yo, your style is off the chain I'm loving that sweater How are you today?" Boom! Those are always really great ways to start the conversation with someone that you match with if they hadn't already, you know, sent the message first

Source: Youtube