ZULA ChickChats! Hi, I'm Shanice Hi, I'm John
Hi, I'm Afiq Hi, I'm Leah And this is ZULA ChickChats! So today, we'll be talking about dating younger guys John: I don't date guys Leah: I mean technically, technically not you all dating younger guys, but for girls who date younger guys, and maybe for guys who date older girls
So for you guys, have you had this experience before? Or dated anyone before? Actually I'm quite sad like that lah, 'cause I don't really date anyone yet, not at this moment I've never dated a younger guy I've never dated an older girl Leah: Huh, really? John: Ya You look like the kind that you will date older girls
Well, I wouldn't mind Actually that's true, I've never had the opportunity- to date an older girl But your preference is? Actually mine is a window, it's like 2 years plus, 2 years minus Okay, okay, cool On tinder, I search all the way from 18 to 36
Everybody, how old is John? Please say I am 27 this year Okay, so you want to date a girl- who is 9 years older than you? For me, age is not so important It's more like how your mental age is like, a bit more of your maturity and how you carry yourself, and how you can fit my personality As long as we are still able to relate- and be able to be compatible, it doesn't really matter
Age, as cliché as it sounds, is just a number So for me it's more like, can we match? Personality wise, goals in life It doesn't mean that if you're older you're more mature, and if you're younger you are immature It's a bit more like a traditional kind of concept, especially when it comes to age because- generally the perception is that age means like she said, more mature and more ready for life I almost always date younger guys
It's just because I happen to know them- and they are like "oh, I'm 22", then I'm like "help" So it's like, what to do? My preference for age range is- just younger than me by 2 – 3 years I think like what you all mentioned, age doesn't really matter And somehow I tend to find younger guys cuter
Some people always say there's this particular- range that you should stick to Your age divide by two, plus seven That is the minimum Two plus two is four, minus one that's three, quick math! Quick maths, everyday man's on the block Ya, that's basically how it came out
So now we've shared some of our preferences, (do) you have any experiences- that you would like so share with regards to dating older (girls)/younger (guys)? I've had dealings with older girls Can you stop using the word "dealings"? I was gonna say, can we screenshot- the last time he used "dealings"? John: I've had dealings with Shanice, Nic, Leah: Dealings! Dealings I had dealings, okay? I had dealings It has never been a deciding factor- on whether I date them- and even though, there definitely are some differences, but differences are not great enough- for them to be a factor I'll just give you a good example, dating someone that is the same age as me, and I dated someone also- that was like 2 – 3 years younger than me
There is a difference sometimes- in some of the conversations- and the things that we talked about- but really, it's not really an issue Some of the older ladies that I meet up with, there is a "fun" to "serious" scale that usually happens- when we have conversations online The ladies that are older than me- are very high on the "serious" scale to the point where- sometimes it gets a little bit boring They don't react to humor the way that- you know, it gets boring Especially before you even have the chance to- meet the person face-to-face, online you're already like "what the"
I have experience with the same age, but I think it will be more interesting to share; 'cause I have this friend, at the point of time, he was 22 but he was dating a girl who was in sec 4 22, sec 4, 6 years So, it's around 16 right? So when we all found out, like our group of friends found out, the reaction was just like, what? From an outsider's point of view, it does seem a bit weird Because she hasn't passed the adulthood, Shanice: like, 21 lah Afiq: the mark right? I have a friend who is dating someone younger than her, about 3 – 4 years, can't really remember- and I think it's actually her happiest relationship So, age is just a number
I had a younger guy, you know, tried to go after me He's very sweet, just maturity wise not on the same level The younger guy in question, that I mentioned- is still like, fun and games and like- Mmm so, you know, I just want to see a future lah I don't particularly choose to date younger guys, it's just that (I) happen to date guys- who are always younger than me and maybe it's my social circle also Also 'cause, last time when I use tinder, then my age range, 'cause if I'm 24 my age range is like 2 years younger So somehow, I always swiped to the 22, 23 year old My ex-boyfriend was younger than me by 2 years and- I did date a guy who was 1 year younger than me also
I think that the "life stage" thing is very true, because he was in Uni and- then I'm working already right? So a lot of times, (it was) very hard to meet The things he talked about, I feel like I went through that already, so it kind of makes me a bit like- "sian, I need to talk about this again" No offence, I'm willing to talk to you but- if it's things that are like, I'm not particularly interested in- or something I've already been through- for 4 years of my life, I don't want to relive my nightmare Ya, that's probably why I was a bit- cannot relate on that level So, I think 1 issue when you date someone- who is younger than you, for a girl right- erm, your friends (will) always just (be) like "Huh, you sure anot?" You know what I mean right? It's like the "Huh? Why?" That's the first thought everyone's head will land on
My family will just (be) like "Ah, again ah?" My mom's just like "Do whatever you want lah" Honestly, I think my parents are very liberal that's why, but for some parents who are a bit more conservative, I think they will be a bit skeptical? They'll always be like, "Huh, this one can have future one anot?" "You sure?" They always think about it in a long-term It's true, it's true There's this common expectation- that the girl has to date a guy that is older right, why do you think this is the case? I feel like it's a very outdated social mindset Singapore, unfortunately as much as- we are trying to be progressive right, It's still governed by a lot of conservative and- I would say to the point of outdated values lah
Most of the time, when will people- encounter their partners is- most of the time due to proximity; school or work If you don't date someone of the same age- during like, let's say pre-NS time, you will always be in the same stage of life- as a guy that is 2 years older than you A lot of times you find that girls marry young, guys marry after they work It's always a younger lady and an older guy So this is something, I just feel lah, it's outdated
In the past, women don't work They stay at home So the man has to work, so the man has to be of a certain age- to work and support the family The priorities were different back then, so I think that with the shifting of priorities, the values should shift as well When times are changing now, I feel that it's okay for- girls to date younger guys- because they themselves are more established
More of like, whether both of them can cooperate and- support each other Every time I attend my family gatherings and all that, the aunties will always say to my nieces- and my female cousins, the younger ones, "Find a guy who's in NS or- already going to complete NS" I feel that the real reason why people tell people- to date guys who have gone through NS is because- guys mature a lot after NS Not only army ah, is must go through Uni also 'Cause I think their world mindset may not be- as broad as like someone who has experienced it
Another thing that we never mentioned yet is maturity A lot of people say that the reason why- this is the case is because- guys mature slower than girls Do you think it's true? Hmm Coming from you all, I think it's an over-articulated statement but- it's kind of true lah, okay? Eh I never say one ah, is the guys say one Guys are very very good at having rowdy fun Most of the time the actions from rowdy fun- are immature It's not really about rowdy fun, it's about that guy's perception of life I feel that girls decide this goal, or what they want- to achieve in their life earlier than guys
So there's a reason why they tend to go for older guys- because I guess their goals are aligned There's this other stereotype right, that girls dating younger guys is not as attractive Like it's a negative connotation to it Does that make the girl look very old? I think that is the impression that it first gives off- but like, I've never actually encountered someone that- fits that mould- or a couple that fits that mould, but I still feel there's nothing wrong with that I think, you know why it's unattractive right? When people look at it they'll be like, "Huh, this guy can take care of you meh?" I think one of the major determining factors right- most of the time, the age carries with it the thinking that- "Oh, this person less mature"
Hence right, less secure Insecurity is a big relationship killer The point about him being very young and- him wanting to experience a lot of things in life, while you want to do that also right, there's also a line that you draw when you're older Cougars, you say like 40 plus year old- versus like 20 something year old right, that one is much more different People will just say you dating your mother lah, that kind of thing
If a girl who is 20, dates a guy who is like 40, it's not like you are dating your father It's more of like, you're just dating a very mature person Example celebrity relationships, for example Demi Moore dating Ashton Kutcher, their age difference is like, I don't know 20 plus years- or some shit like that, she was like 40 plus he was like 20 plus This kind of relationship is what I think- we are talking about in terms of- girls dating younger guys as unattractive What are your opinions on that? I don't feel like it's unattractive but- I think people look like that is because- they feel like "oh, the lady is trying to take advantage" or something? It's back to what we were saying before- how men and women- expectations is different
I think it works both ways If the guy is much older than the girl right, it can go 2 ways 1 is like, "oh, you found somebody mature, stable" or it could go like- "woah, this uncle chee ko pek (pervert) ah?" So, any advice for girls maybe who are dating- younger guys that are facing a lot of negative criticisms- from people- or for girls who want to just date younger guys- in general? Guys who want to date older girls, girls who want to date younger guys, you do you Frankly speaking right, like we were talking about how- the priorities of society has sort of changed, you live in a world with more options now right? This should be reflected in your dating options as well What you guys think of yourself, slowly will become- how you guys portray each other
All these "rules" are just what we are used to growing up Doesn't mean it's right, doesn't mean it's wrong Society as a whole we have progressed to a point where- you know, love is just love lah You just go love whoever you want, many forms, any form I think my advice is, coming from someone who has dated- younger guys before right, I think stage of life is temporary, and also it's a thing that people say as an excuse- not to even try it out in the first place
So it's not like, they conform to all your interests You have to be open to their schedule and- what they are currently doing Today we talked about girls dating younger guys, and guys dating older girls and from this, we concluded that: Don't judge people, just go out there and- find yourself a partner So if you guys have any experiences, feel free to leave in a comment and also let us know- what else to talk about next time And don't forget to like, share and subscribe! Bye!