Dating Doc Podcast | Mental & Physical Abuse In The Dating World

today it is August 31st I am Chris the Dating doc and our podcast is gonna be on mental and physical abuse when it comes to dating now first off I want to thank everyone that's commented that's liked anything memes any of the videos the advice we put out there we do this for you and when I say we ok I'm not I know you're the one that hears me and just me but we have a web crew we have folks in the background that are helping us market that are helping us draft some of the blogs and some of the ideas we have here so when I say we it definitely is a team out here so thank you for that you motivate me ok this is a reason that I I do this if I can touch one person who wants to be motivated by advice or have has just had a bad day and all sudden a funny meme or a inspirational quote or one of my videos and messages has made their day has made them think about something new when it comes to dating and hopefully that helps them in regards to to the dating life okay so abuse ok abuse abuse all right now many of you are probably going to think I'm gonna go into the the some of these more obvious things such as such as physical abuse and relationship domestic violence things of that sort and I will but what I really also want to touch up on is how we can abuse ourselves when it comes to dating okay and so without further ado one of the things that come to mind when I think of abuse is the abuse we do when we're still trying to heal from a breakup right we breakup from a relationship and we know that we can do two things we can take a break from it all and look inward and we can make self improvements we can start reading working out more going back to church if you know if you're faith-based and meditating things that sort but this is the abuse we keep doing we keep going back into the game and we waste our time and other people's time and I've experienced this myself both as the abuse self abused and the I guess you can say abuser in a way and maybe that's too strong of a word but I'll start off with the I guess you can say the bad news right with with the the abuser part which is I have been the person that has been flustered because someone has taken too long to text back or they're kind of you know when you go on a date it's all surface there's really none of that that that depth that I'm looking for and I get frustrated I get upset I've gotten better about this I'm obviously if I'm if I'm teaching I gotta be preaching where I gotta gotta walk the talk right so one of the things that that I remember doing was a woman who just took forever to get back and I said look you're wasting my time and I really didn't want to even worry about it okay and it was a lot lot meaner than that to be honest that was my me projecting my frustration my impatience or should say that that the last straw that hit the camel's back on my patience and next you know I'll find out I get a long text back and she says look I I've been doing a lot of healing you know after my breakup and that actually flustered me more but I didn't tell her that cuz I'm thinking okay you got someone who just broke up and maybe they just want attention maybe they just want to get back in the dating game sake and see and the cute guys out there see some pictures of cute guys and see who's gonna you know give them give them a little love little attention but it flustered me because I'm thinking man come on now that's like saying you broke your leg and you're gonna go back and jog cuz you miss it so much what you're gonna do when you're jogging and you've broken your leg you're gonna hurt yourself more and that's what a lot of people do when it comes to dating they just want to go back into it right I've ran into some people that are Facebook friends that I've kind of had a little semi crush on I see them post on Facebook hey I broke up with someone then I see him on a swiping app and I call him out on it I do call him out and I said hey look you know you said you use healing up and you talked about you moving on you need to take some time for yourself and then I see on one of these apps and said oh well you know I am trying to take some time out of myself but they never they never answered the part of what they're doing on those apps there that person with a broken foot broken ankle still jogging hurting themselves wasting time and they waste that other person's time because there could be someone that says okay I like a lot of what they wrote I have a lot of things in common with me I like this I like this woman she's good-looking or you know again this could be if it's a man you know woman says oh man thats good-looking man he seems like he's got it all together that gentleman could be the one that's healing that gentleman is wasting his time and he's wasting another person's time because again what ends up happening is we we develop this cancer of half assing it not even trying because we say you know what that person's not gonna try why am I gonna try and then we're on the receiving mode another guy saying well she is not trying so why am I gonna try and that keeps spreading and spreading and spreading because we don't take that pause we keep self abusing we keep self abusing we haven't healed up and you know that feeling you know that feeling when you're online and you say you know I'm really not feeling this but I want to keep swiping I want to keep messaging I want to keep looking at pictures but I'm not feeling it and you're not feeling it because of the person in the mirror has nothing to do with the app don't blame it on the app all those apps are honestly almost all the same you see some of the same redundant people in your city it's a person in the mirror you keep abusing yourself you keep wasting your own time and you're wasting other people's time take a step back take a step back hang out by yourself hang out with your friends it's okay you don't need to get back into that dating world because here's the thing are you wanting to get back into the attention-seeking world or are you really ready to find a companion that's a whole two different schools of thoughts when it comes to dating you either half-assing and you're just seeing how much attention you get fill in your schedule with some dates or you really really got that energy and that enthusiasm to find someone that you're looking for that's the difference okay so that long-term that you know what I'm really gonna try to put my all in a dating even if you don't end up with someone but you really want to care take some time to yourself read some books read some books on what's happening in your brain pick up a new hobby okay you have to stretch that soul that soul is sore that soul is is ache you have to stretch it out you got to work it out and not abuse it okay do the therapy okay I use that analogy of hurting your leg I use that analogy of heard of your leg because guess what you go to physical therapy you get yourself better right here's the other thing too that when I look at mental abuse and self abuse I was listening to a book called the way the superior man and it's a by guy guy by the name of Danny data I'm not sure that's the story name or that's his real name do some more research on his name but one of the things that that was spoken about in the book and I really enjoyed that was talking about how sometimes in a relationship the man or the woman may initiate drama because the other person is just not responding at all what I mean is they could be a bump on a log they could come home sit down watch TV there's no talk about work and they'll talk about life there is no passion so what ends up happening is that someone causes draw causes an argument because they want a reaction and this could get bad right because this is when you start getting addicted to a response but the ways is dangerous right the ways instead of saying hey you know what I'm gonna surprise my guy or gal I'm gonna buy a gift I'm gonna do something you know a sexual surprise a little lovingly sexual surprise but instead I create an argument I break something I told that person they're worthless because I want a response I want a challenge and that challenge excites me but that's the dark way of doing it right that's that's that is a very negative way of doing it and is it is a form of abuse it is manipulation 101 again it's self manipulation because you're thinking that this is the way to be passionate this is a way to get a response this is how we keep that fire going in relationship but you're also being abusive towards the other person and it doesn't have to be physical you can you can way less than the person you could be shorter than the person taking advantage of their kindness by drawing out drama is not healthy and it's an act of cowardice it's cowardice but in a way it's also a lack of understanding so I don't know if you guys hear in the background that's like my little dogs quietly eating one of his treats or she has his say she's funny but I'm going back to the subject that's something that you got to be aware of okay don't draw out and drama just to draw it out and if you decide that's the way you're gonna go then you need to apologize right afterwards gonna say you know what I apologize but the more you make a habit of that the more one of you is gonna get burned out of the relationship am i right you know how that is drama drama drama make up make up make up drama drama drama make up drama drama half make up someone's tired both tired breakup and now that became a habit now you're almost wanting someone who brings the drama and now you're in this endless cycle where you've dropped your league you are now in the bottom rankings of the kind of person that you're looking for that you attract because that's what that's what you are that's what you became so that's abuse that is abuse people another thing is physical abuse physical abuse is the ultimate act of cowardice and this all stems from someone who says hey you know what you're not going anywhere or you belong to me or I need to put you in your place and statistically this is more the man doing this to a woman it is by far the ultimate act that you can't control yourself and the only people that can't control themselves in this case me having a little puppy when she was small she cant control herself going to the bathroom a baby can't control themselves and an old person can't control themselves and in some ways someone who has an actual mental condition whether that's dementia Alzheimer's or their psychotic or a sociopath so when your man who is of saying you know status you're not in the hospital you're not in asylum and you can't control your soul if you're being a baby you're being a little puppy you're being like an old person that can't control themselves how manly is that think about it like this let's go tribal here let's go way back to the times of when they used to pick the tribal chief based on strength right based on who had the most discipline who could see the goal focus and get to it who can finish the hunt do you think they're gonna pick the tribal chief to be someone that throws a tantrum not at all and even if you were the strongest person in that tribe and you threw tantrums and you're the person that couldn't control himself after why you're gonna get killed by the rest of the village they're not gonna want you as a leader you're not aware that's the second stage of a person the first stage is when you just act emotionally you go over the first reaction and you think well this is this is my way of being masculine masculine energy the way of the superior man just like this book that I listen to just like I personally believe that's when you can be mature enough you can look beyond your emotions you can look past that to where it doesn't get physical and this goes out it's a woman as well woman if you don't respect your man you want to hit them you want to scratch them maybe because you want some sort of reaction or because that's where you grew up seeing be advance be superior to that be level to look beyond that mess look beyond your own mess and say you know what I'm better than that if you have to frame it in a way to say you know if you don't have any kids what my child want to see this and first off if you think that's acceptable behavior for a child to see in front of you you definitely need help that upsets me that upsets me if you think that's the standard on the other hand if you do have kids and you have made mental or physical abuse the standard you are a coward and if you're hearing this and you've caused this in the past understand that you are a coward this is not my opinion this is something that can be proven you are so afraid which is a stem of being a coward that you can't control your own feelings and you can't stand on the leg being a coward no one no one wins by be coward okay you don't make changes in life you're not inspiring positivity in people's lives so the only thing you can do is get better and learn from that there is no excuse to be a self abuser or to project that abuse on someone else or that negativity on someone else and I end with that because too many people out here are not paying attention to themselves they're either too worried about what other people think of them they're going out there in the world again with the quote-unquote broken leg which like I said that equated to you someone who hasn't healed up from a relationship or from dating overall they go out there they go out there in the world not healed in extreme cases this means people get shot because someone can't control their emotions and they have not looked within themselves in a healthy way through meditation through exercise through reading through gaining self awareness all that stuff they haven't done that because they're too afraid they don't want to do the work that's what I do is a day coach I help you guys out I have offered clients a free session free session so at least they can bounce their thoughts against someone else and because everyone nowadays thinks everything around them is so shady they're not willing to get help even if it's free even it's completely free all they have to do is invest time and I'm kind of venting a little bit not because I'm struggling financially I'm not at all I have a full-time military career and I'm very happy knowing that I'm virtually debt free with the exception of mortgage and I say that not to brag but why I mean that because it frustrates me that my passion and helping others even if it's for free some people that I know for a fact when I hear them out initially they need help they need help with dating they need help in life and all they have to do spend a little bit of energy in time if I offer it for free and they're not ready so if they're not ready to look within themselves they're not ready to accept any help what do you think ends up happening they end up spending time getting older staying in their misery being comfortable with solitude solitude that has nothing to do with being an introvert or extrovert none of that but they get comfortable in that solitude at best they just kind of stay in their own little corner they finally figure out when it's too late right when time is passed when maybe they have said oh crap all this time I could have worked on myself and found the companion then it's too late that's the at best scenario at worse you know killing people they kill themselves they hurt their family they hurt their career okay this is real abuse is real both mental and physical self abuse and projecting it out into the world it is dangerous and it's something that nowadays we need to take more precaution okay we need we need to look at others and see what they're doing how they're abusing themselves and when it comes to dating all right dating marriage relationship that deals with another person so you got to be aware of what you're doing you have to be aware because now you hit you're accountable for another person all right so I end with that okay this is I'm about to wrap this up so I want you to think about that I want you to spread that message to someone else spread this video send this video of someone else they may need it even if you're gonna listen to a minute or two of it hey I'd rather they get something from it and get nothing from it check yourself okay assess yourself make yourself a better person that way you can attract who you need to you got to be attracted to person mirror first all right do not hurt anyone else and quit hurting yourself if you are its Chris the dating doc I hope you enjoyed this video this podcast was special to me I was gonna originally do it on suicide and dating but I figured let's get let's get to the fact of what happens before someone commits suicide it's the self abuse and the projected abuse hope you're having a great great Labor Day weekend and drop a note drop a comment I'd love to hear from you take care

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